Writers are Sexy

Mmm...writer... I love the way you hold your...pen.
And how you wear that...fragmentary sentence.
You are so smooth how you...build your imagery.
I can't quit staring at the size of your...brain.

You get me excited when you...place that semicolon.
My eyes are fixed on your...back cover.
The way you say...The End is so breathtaking.
It makes me crazy the way move your...plot.

I start to tingle when you...title your chapter.
It's breathtaking how you tickle my...amygdala.
You have such nice curves on your...letter S.
I just can't get enough of your...complex characters....

Us writers are a nerdy bunch. I'm pretty sure I just proved that with the above...poem? We are more prone to stumbling out for our mail at four pm still pajama clad and cursing the blinding saber of light somewhere above us they call the sun than stunning a roomful of the opposite sex at the latest soiree.

But I love us. More than that, I find us sexy.

People forget the importance of the brain in arousal. Too much focus lies in the flesh. The brain with its vivid, wild imagination. Its ability to focus its vast power into something as infinitesimal as the brush of a fingertip on a single point of skin. Yes, the brain is the most important organ of intimacy.

Good writers draw their power from the ability to manipulate your brain. At the outset of a fiction story, everyone knows they are about to be lied to. An alternate definition of fiction, in fact, reads: "An allegation that a fact exists that is known not to exist." In other words, a lie.

Lie to me, baby....

You probably picked up your last book standing under a sign that said in big letters "fiction," so it's not like you expected it to be real. But somehow, that all-powerful writer tricked you into buying her the narrative. She convinced you to care more for her characters than the person you just bumped into crossing the street. Such talent takes magic.

Sleek, sexy magic...

Who isn't drawn to intelligence, wit, strength? Who ever said they disliked a sense of humor? Nothing is worse than a brainless beauty. It's like a book with a stunning cover but filled with scribbles. Or nothing at all....

Frankly, I would rather pry open a plain white hardback and find Shakespeare.

There's something intriguing about the girl in the corner of the room. You know the one. Veiled by shadow. Quietly watching. Not wearing a histrionic red dress covered in the drool stains of her latest love victims. No, she's quiet but sophisticated. She notices you long before you notice her. She understands the thrill of raw emotion. She knows how to manipulate your mind. Her eyes are brimmed with wisdom and power. Her gaze constantly rakes the room, seeking her next character.

I'm terrified it will be me.

Nevermind that damsel in distress. Meh to the helpless princess. I want a queen. No scratch that. A goddess. One who shapes worlds, molds characters, dictates universes. A goddess with the power to create, build, manipulate, seduce. Even destroy.

Sleek, sexy writer....


Yeah, that just happened. I'm not going to apologize for it. If it made you blush, well, tough it out and move on. That's kind of the way this blog has worked so far; you never really know what sort of nonsense is flying at you next. I don't either, so don't ask. If you liked it, feel free to comment below. If you didn't, feel free to comment below. I'll be your friend forever if you considered signing up for my weekly newsletter. You'll get a once-a-week update on my posts and NOTHING ELSE! No spam, no selling your your email to third parties. Okay, if I ever get around to publishing one of these numerous books I've been working on for years, I might send out an email letting you know about that, but that's it! In the meantime thanks for reading.

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All writing is the original work of Brian Wright and may not be copied, distributed, re-printed or used any form without express written consent of the author. Find out here how to CONTACT me with publishing and/or use questions

Fiction Writers Can Save the World (or One Writer Justifying His Existence)

"The pen is mightier than the sword"

Art is a waste of time. Literature was never art anyway. Books are dead. Writers are cowards. Get a real job. Your life is a waste.

Harsh. Yet, I sometimes feel, in certain circles anyway, this sort of venom directed towards me. And every time I encounter it, a part of me wonders if they're right.

It seems strange that "starving artist" has become synonymous with "artist." It is far more noble these days to identify as a doctor, a teacher, a carpenter, a plumber. Hell, even nail pounder would probably be a more respected job title in many parts of America.

What have I gotten myself into? Only two paragraphs in and I'm starting to regret my choice of topic. This claim, that art (and writing by extension) has value, should be the subject of a dissertation, not a mere blog post. But the thesis I set out to support remains valid: Us, me, you, every fiction writer scribbling sentences in dark library nooks, quiet coffee shops and cluttered desks everywhere, can save this troubled world.

I suppose the first task is to establish that the world needs saving before making any grandiose claim on the ability to do so. No, I don't think the recent change in my country's executive administration spells certain doom for the world (though I will admit a measure of disappointment and anxiety). Far more concerning is this trend of discovering nearly everything I love labeled as threatened, endangered, or nearly destroyed. Humankind has become like two-legged locusts, swarming in overwhelming numbers, consuming resources recklessly and, when every last, fragmentary morsel is finished, pushing on to the next location to start the eating all over. For those of us trying to affect positive change, it often feels like we run as fast as we can just to move backwards slowly.

Recently I read that scientists are positing we've entered a new epoch: the Anthropocene Era. This new phase is defined by the profound influence of one species, humans, who have shaped the world, its environment and all its inhabitants in such a comprehensive way that it has altered the nature of the entire system. The most recent estimates of global population suggest there are 7.5 billion bipedal humanoids living, breathing, eating and, yes, pooping on this liquid-slathered rock called Earth. Just 45 years ago we were half that. That means, on average, we have grown roughly the population of New York City every month for the past five decades. Ouch. Exponential growth dictates that with a 45-year doubling period, sometime just after 2060 global population will reach an unfathomable 15 billion people.

This liquid-slathered rock we call Earth is in trouble, 
but you can save it!

I didn't mean for this to be too doom and gloom. I know there is a lot of world-is-going-to-end rhetoric out there and I hate to add yet another pessimistic voice. But for someone who wants to see the amazing plants, animals and places I cherish thrive on, all of this is very troubling.

So where does art fit in? What could a few glorified liars, oh, I mean fiction writers, possibly do to reverse this apparently terrible and unavoidable disaster?

Plop a textbook in front of someone and most likely he will be bored to sleep in minutes. This renders any sort of world-saving enlightenment nearly impossible. A person has to be interested to want to take action. Now give him a story about the same topic, one with vivid characters that generate a visceral and emotional response, and suddenly he is flipping through the pages with reckless abandon. His disinterest shifts to engagement, which hopefully translates to action, and perhaps, just perhaps, he will motivate to make a change. To allude to the most cliché but honest writing lesson ever taught: the textbook told him something about the world; the fiction writer showed it.

Art is how we interpret this strange life. Sculpture, painting, theater, even fiction all play an important role. Purposeful, meaningful storytelling is far more than entertainment and frivolity. It instills morality, teaches empathy and compassion, and illuminates a bit of knowledge in an interesting and engaging way. Win a person's heart and you can change it.

So write that beautiful book that can save the world. Struggle forth proudly with your pen aloft, ready to parry critics and stab world-burning dragons through the heart. We need you, writer.

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All writing is the original work of Brian Wright and may not be copied, distributed, re-printed or used any form without express written consent of the author. Find out here how to CONTACT me with publishing and/or use questions